There’s no title or lit cited BUT IT’S DONE. WE’RE DONE.
holy shit my legs are numb.

This is purely random mumbo jumbo.

Read More

29th

I’m actually so nervous for this presentation. Not because of public speaking or anything; I love presentations. I like people listening to me talk.

I’m nervous because…well I don’t really know what to say. This will literally be the most anticlimactic project ever.

1) Our renal injury cell model kind of failed on us because AAN might not affect the TGF-β pathway. ………………. So, you know. Now we’ll know for next time ^____^ NEXT TIME, we’ll just make a renal injury cell model by up-regulating TGF-β. But that has a lot of problems too. ……. :DDDDD and our BMP-7 treatments made it worse. On top of that our western for caspase 3 didn’t even work…3 times it did not work, so we tried another antibody just because we’d know it’d work. This antibody detects ERK1. Which is a kinase involved in cell proliferation. BUT WE’RE NOT GOING TO SAY THAT OBVIOUSLY. Because ERK1 can be activated during apoptosis caused by DNA damage and aristolochic acid is supposed to cause renal injury by forming adducts with DNA. That counts as damage to DNA…………………. that’s …legit. … somewhat? No assumptions involved in any of this obviously.

2) We polymerized poloxamer 407…24% w/v was our optimal conc. and it released the polymer fluorescein isothiocyanate–dextran. Not even BMP-7. =_=; because the amount of BMP-7 that we needed would cause the Szaszi lab to go broke.

Just need to look good while I deliver a bs presentation. Actually the people there, my “peers”, don’t actually understand shit unless it’s their own project…so. Meh. Look good and sound smart.

Either way, I learned a lot.

Was thoroughly inspired by Dr. Szaszi and her work and her way of thinking. I understand her and she understands me. I have so much respect for her it’s not even funny. In that way it made me a better future scientist. That right there is all I need. I’m reassured that even though passion may not always bring home a pay check, it’s worth pursuing. Curiosity driven research/medicine is the only way to go. Everyone else that’s in it for the title, the money, the whatever the heck it is, just..I don’t even know what to say.

To be honest, I’d rather do a presentation on how I grew as a person.

Gosh, sometimes I love myself for being like this. I’m so great sometimes. If I thought any other way, I would hate myself.

“Chase after the truth like all hell and you’ll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat tails.”

—   Clarence Darrow

You know what fucking pisses me off. People in group work that leaves shit until the last minute. 

Like waste your own goddamn time, not mine. Thanks.

Like just the other day, this kid at the lab waited until last minute to submit his master’s thesis proposal, the reviewer didn’t like it, so they sent it back for him to make corrections and he only had two days, which clearly wasn’t enough time for him to make legit corrections and now his PI has to tell him that they didn’t accept it.

He was so pissed off.

And I’d be the same way.

Time. Fucking. Management. people.

Like, you’re this close to getting your masters…….are you stupid? =_=

Geo caching?

x

So I found this new thing…well…it’s not new, but I just heard about it through Law and Order: SVU. It’s called geocaching, and pretty much it’s just a city wide scavenger hunt. I think people place boxes of random trinkets and whatnot and there are hints and then you just go look for the box of items. And I think you leave it there so other people can look for it too.

This is so interesting. Honestly. I feel like this summer I could totally be down for a couple of these. Sounds like so much fun, especially when there seems to be a lot of hiking involved.

wishlist

i feel as if i’m contradicting myself with this whole consumerism thing? but i feel kind of justified because i only buy one nice thing once in a blue moon that i really want and my money is going to support genuinely good designers with positive visions?

anyway. i want to keep track so i can remove my bookmarks LOL (my bookmarks bar is getting too messy) so here’s a list of things i really want for the next….however long/whenihavemoney/wheni’mwillingtosplurge:

1) Reformation Leilani Top x

2) Reformation Scarab Trench x

3) Rachel Comey Mars Booties x

4) Association Semi Circle Bag x

*5) Yves Saint Laurent Tote x
(okay, this is way out of my league but I promise myself if I get into medical school third year, this is my present to myself because Saint Laurent is my favourite designer of all time. next to mcqueen obviously.)

*6) Tiffany & Co. Diamonds by the Yard Necklace x
(i don’t know if anyone else feels this way but i don’t like wearing any jewellery unless it has meaning behind it, so i don’t know, i feel weird about buying this for myself LOL. maybe after through therapy, when i finally learn to love myself, i can buy this for myself LOLOL.)

7) Larsson & Jennings Watch x
(ugh. but seriously, i’m going to buy my future husband a Rolex. they’re such beautiful things..i can’t breathe….)

8) lol..do i even include this? x 

to be honest, i wish i can befriend an artsy fartsy person in uni and i can start a fashion blog. we’ll see. + that requires me getting a dslr. i’ll probably just get a refurbished one at the end of the school year…

prom

okay. i am so sorry but this prom thing is the most overrated piece of crap event.

my friend wants to go in a value village dress. and you know. i love value village but if you’re going to spend 100 dollars on a ticket? like why the hell even go and waste your time? what are you going to do there?

look at people? people watch? “mingle”? with pointless useless brainless assholes that won’t benefit you in life?

lol?

people you’ll forget about in two days, some that don’t even deserve to breathe on this planet?

waste of time.

honestly.

talk to me when i graduate medical school. like then i’ll make somewhat of a deal. 

sheesh.

and the amount of people that make this into some sort of deal like it’s the epitome of the high school experience. anyone can graduate high school. it really isn’t anything worth celebrating. if you can’t even graduate high school, you might as well hang yourself now. donate your ticket money to africa. seriously. 

or buy a nice pair of jeans. like me. or better yet, buy the mcat study guide. 

buy your parents a gift for raising you until now. because that’s actually a fucking accomplishment.

jesus.

it actually bothers me the amount of money people spend on this shit. LIKE DID YOU KNOW THAT WITH THAT MONEY YOU’RE WASTING TRYING TO FEEL LIKE YOUR WORTH OF PIECE OF SHIT ON THIS EARTH, YOU COULD FEED A LITTLE KID IN AFRICA FOR TWO MONTHS?

yeahok.

Coldplay & Rihanna - Princess of China

Princess Of China // Coldplay & Rihanna

Could’ve been a princess, you’d be a king
Could have had a castle and worn a ring
But no, you let me go

(Source: ch-ords)

they keep asking me, “what can you do for yourself? what can you do?”

i know what i can do. die. 

then i’ll be happy. then i don’t have to remember anything. i don’t have to think. i don’t have to breathe. i don’t have to live. 

there was a motorcycle accident at eglinton and brentcliffe yesterday, next to where i live and i just keep thinking to myself why was that not me? why was i not the person in the passenger seat. why do these things never happen to me? i’m too cowardly to end my own life, why can’t it just happen accidentally to me. it’s like the world will finally be doing me a favour. why can’t i be raped in an alley, why can’t something just fuck up my life so badly that i have a legitimate reason to end my life? i want someone to hurt me. physically. i want to be slapped, raped, tortured, beaten, i don’t really care at this point.

i want to get him on the phone right now so i can hear more about where i am lacking. where i’m not good enough. how shitty a person i must of been for him to have nothing to say to me any more. i want to hear it all. i want to torture myself, push myself to a point where i can just do it myself. i already feel so empty and dead, why not speed up the goddamn process for myself. he might as well have thrown me off a bridge because that wouldn’t hurt less than the things he had to say. i’m just a charity case right? well i am so fucking sorry.